Get Comfortable Lying
I've read that the average American lies 25 times a day. I don't know how you would test that, certainly not by a survey, but I can believe it. Those lies, mostly, are little white lies. Slight embellishments on the truth. Despite that, Americans place a very high value on truth. On the playground, the worst charge one child can make against another is, "he's lying!" Political scandals center not on national security, not even on sex, but on honesty. One lie can end a politician's career. Your culture has a love affair with the truth, and because of that, most people are pretty bad at lying. You need to get good at it, at least in defense of one specific area, your privacy.
People are going to ask you all day where you live. When you go to the doctor, try to get a mailbox, try to get a cell phone or a pager, when you are interrogated by the police, when you want to join a supermarket club, when you want to get a storage unit, they'll ask. They'll want your home phone number, too. If you don't provide these pieces of information, and prove you are a member of the housed public, they will deny you services.
You don't have any time for that. You have problems you are solving just as fast as you are able, and the last thing you need is to be arguing with some salesman about the fact that the reason you want a cell phone is that you don't have a phone. They don't care. They just need you to fill in the little box on the form. So make up a phone number. What are they going to do, check?
Even in the unlikely event that you were caught, it's meaningless. It is perfectly legal to lie to the clerk at the grocery store. The worst they can do is deny you services, which they would have done if you told the truth.
You are a member of the counter culture now. Welcome. Truth is a value of the culture your life is running counter to. You're going to have to get comfortable modifying that value a bit. Your private life must be kept private. Lying defends it.
Lying is a survival skill.
posted by Mobile Homemaker @ 10:23 AM
14 Comments:
This couldn't be more true. Lying is definately a survival skill. I just plain hate lying though, so I limit my lying to about 5 a week.
Alas that this is a problem to the masses with more permanent housing as well. Supermarkets and such that ask for your number can then call to sell you services, even if you are on the 'do not call' list. Of course, this is nothing compared to the trials and tribulations of not having a phone to divulge in the first place.
Hopefully the privacy efforts will make it more acceptable for the homeless to answer 'no' to the question 'May I have your home number please?'
(I realize that in situations where they are asking for a number for credit checking it could be more difficult, but if you feel like cutting down your lying, possibly lying only after they've refused the 'no' might be acceptible.)
Well, for that matter, couldn't you just have a family member or friend help you out by letting you send mail to their address? Considering that they live in that city, of course. The same could be said for the phone number.
Asking for help from a family member usually puts you in a one down position socially. My advice is intended to suggest the most dignified and most efficient solutions. I don't think dependency on the largess of relatives is efficient or safe. It's unstable.
I'm not sure this is the place to put this ... I found a link to your Car cover post on the van dwellers board on yahoo.. But I went though all kinds of grief getting a PO box finally a friendly PO employee made a mistake on my forwarding form and my mail was going someplace... Then I had a "residence" then I was able to get a PO box cause I wanted my mail separate from the others in the place... the easiest service to get was the Phone mail... In the people's republic of massachusetts.. you can't get a Voicemail without a live phone line... unless you subscribe to a service... but then you need a phone to access it... So I asked a few folks in the same area I lived in ... if I could have a line dropped on their house... you don't have to have a phone atached... or even show up to use it... but I park near mine and use it for my dialup access... Just a thought...
Things are changing all the time on these fronts. Mobile communications are changing everything. In California it is easy to get voice mail on a mobile pager for next to nothing. My advice is simply to keep asking what is available, and keep signing up with different people if you are being denied services.
I believe if the lie is to provide oneself with basics and essentials, then pragmatism over and above some misguided sense of propriety.
Good intentions and "honour" won't keep you warm and dry, feed you or get you medicines.
Having a PO Box is very important so that you can use this as your address. Most requests for a home address will accept a PO Box including the Department of Motor Vehicles. Those entities that will not accept a PO box such as financial institutions, just use a relative or friend's address as your PHYSICAL address for those who insist on it after first clearing this with the friend or relative. After all none of these entities are ever going to drop in on you at that address. All mail will come to your mailing address - the PO Box. The most that would happen is that a piece of mail would arrive at the friend or relative's address for you. Your cell phone should be sufficient for almost all demands for a phone number. A cool thing is that my storage unit accepts FedEx, UPS USPS and other parcel deliveries so one of the advantages of homelessness is trhat, if you have a storage unit, you don't have to be home to accept deliveries. Just swsing by your storage unit every few days and p[ick up the merchandise.
A private mailbox is infinitely better than a PO Box. When you write your address you have a street address and a unit number. Just leave out the PMB and replace it with Apt. or Ste. or # and the number. It looks like a home address and functions for your mail.
"oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive" In order to be a good liar one needs a good memory. A head injury, kinda removed the excellent one I once had. The "I didn't get it changed yet" lie as to why the DL's address is in a different city, works for a while. When po-lice question and you tell truth, "lived here for 9 years" you are branded a liar, due to the address that sez different.
"Grub first, then ethics."
-- Bertolt Brecht
I don't think lying is the answer, but deception is another thing completely. Witholding information is not lying. You have to be smart. A person should have the right to some privacy! I'd recommend reading: HOW TO BE INVISABLE by J.J. LUNA. It's not specifically about homelessness, but it has lots of information that could help you work the system, so you don't have to lie.
I started reading this blog when my friend told me about it and I couldn't agree more. It is indeed, a blog with substance and useful content.
More power. :)
Some good information here. I've worked since I was 15 years old and rarely was unemployed. That changed over the past 3 years due to the economy, trade agreements and a tax structure that rewards outsourcing. I've lost my home to foreclosure and it was a situation that I had little control over. I spent 40 years working in the film industry as an artist, animator, director, prop master and grip electrician. I also spent three years working as a Respiratory Therapist in the 70's. I have worked as a photojournalist for local newspapers and Associated Press. My latest gig was working for WalMart pulling pallets of merchandise (they can weigh from 800 to 1500 pounds) but at 59 years of age, that's a tough pull. My wife was the west coast manager of a major life insurance company until her company downsized and closed all west coast offices. Three years later she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, IBS, Kidney Stones and a seizure disorder. Social Security says she doesn't qualify for disability. Right!
Being homeless however, does not mean I've given up. I still have my camera, voice recorder and my laptop with wifi. I want to start photographing the people I meet and document their stories. There are "intact" families on the street now. These are people who had jobs, homes and hope. None of them ever thought they'd be homeless. They didn't overbuy in the housing market but their jobs were yanked out from under them. Their stories aren't being told fairly by the media so...maybe it's time to use social networking to spread the word and correct some deliberate misconceptions about homeless families. I'll be posting their stories in my own blog eventually. Right now...I have to prepare to hit the streets with my wife and three dogs.
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