There will likely be moments, long dismal moments, when everything seems empty, when all possibility seems to have vanished, and when your deepest desire is to simply vanish. The feeling, if it is truly profound, is one of hollowness. It is worse than melancholy. It is the essence of powerlessness, and this is the feeling inspired by true, clinical, depression. This is the backbone of suicide, and people can be brought to it by long hours of self criticism, blame, hunger, cold, and sadness.
If you get to this terrible country, first, do nothing. You think that the feeling will persist forever. It won't. It can't. Before you know it you get an idea, and that gets you thinking about something else, and then you think of something you'd like to try. Oh, you may sink back into the empty spot, but the worst part about being there is the feeling that it will go on forever. Once you know it goes away, it gets a little easier to take.
When the hours ache and linger, when the mind is poisoned with hurt, when the night is very cold and very dark, and when you can think of no where to turn, do nothing. Change will come.
Until it does, take a hot shower, and use some deodorant. Depression causes us to release all kinds of stinky pheromones.
Just thought of you, was listening to the news and there was a segment abt a homeless man in England, who's been living in a shack in a wooded posh London area, who has been living there for so long he has actually earned the right of property. It's estimated at abt 1,8 million pounds. He, however, says he's been living there so happily and for free that it'd be unfair if he took advantadge of it. Thought you might like to know.
ReplyDeleteSome days, I prefer to just wallow in the scent of depression.
ReplyDeleteI love this post so much. That last line, just as I felt I was going to cry from how real and relative this post is to me, made me laugh out loud. :)
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed the last line for its lightness & groundedness. I am grateful to find your blog even if it is inactive. I am directly connected with a person who has been homeless for a good while, none too successfully. I find it difficult to stay in close touch as our worlds are so very different and I don't want to add to the lack of personal success somehow. I plan to share your writings with my person and with others as well. Your contribution is much closer to teaching fishing than to gifting fish. Thank you kindly.
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